


A Million Pieces

by kirajustwrites



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Better Than Canon, Could Be Canon, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, F/M, Fanon, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Kylo Ren Redemption, Love, May the Force Be With You, POV Ben Solo, POV Finn (Star Wars), POV Rey (Star Wars), Protective Ben Solo, Redeemed Ben Solo, Redemption, Rey Needs A Hug, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:28:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23653870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirajustwrites/pseuds/kirajustwrites
Summary: TRoS alternate ending - Ben's body fades away. Rey falls apart. But Maz has some surprising news...(Alternate Ending #2)
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Shattered

Rey’s P.O.V.  
Shocked can’t even begin to describe how I felt when I realized that I was not, in fact, dead. Or maybe I was dead, just not anymore. There was this pressure on my abdomen and beneath that a tingling feeling that spread throughout my whole body. My eyes felt too heavy to move. I knew they were open but all I could see was a fuzzy outline of the sky above me. I managed to lift my arm up a bit and reached toward the source of this feeling on my stomach. I was shocked to feel Ben’s hand. I rubbed my thumb along a callus on his palm for a moment, willing my vision to clear and my body to regain its strength. 

After what seemed like an eternity, I blinked and took in a breath, craning my neck until Ben came into view. He turned and looked at me, as if not believing that what he was seeing was really happening. 

“I didn’t know you could do that,” I mumble to him through the force bond, a smile tugging at the edges of my mouth as I sit up to face him. Then I realize that he has tears in his eyes. The slightest bit of confusion crosses my face. 

“You’re crying.”

“You were dead,” he whispers, glancing at my lips and then back up into my eyes.

I smile softly. This man truly, deeply cared for me. A thousand thoughts race through my mind at that realization, but only one that I could put into words. 

“Ben,” I say, out loud this time. 

Ben’s P.O.V.  
That one word communicated so much to me. Ben. The one that she had always believed could still come back. The one that she fought for when she fought against Kylo Ren. The one whose hand she had wanted to take. 

My hand was still on the back of her neck, and I give it a little squeeze, wanting nothing more than to wrap her up in my arms and hold her, to tell her how sorry I am for all the things I’ve done, to beg for her forgiveness, to pour out my heart to the only one who would remotely understand. 

But she can see it in my eyes, because, ever so lightly, she reaches up and touches the side of my face. She rubs her hand back and forth a little, and I let out a broken sigh of relief and overwhelming gratitude. And then she pulls her hand away, and I see something else in her eyes. Whoa. 

Rey’s P.O.V.   
I can see the sorrow in Ben’s eyes. A small part of me knows that he does have quite a lot to be sorry for. The biggest part of me, though, knows that I have already forgiven him. I lift my hand to his face and trace where his scar used to be. We’ve come so far from then. As our past together flashes before my mind in a millisecond, I realize that all this time I wasn’t fighting against someone as much as I was fighting for someone. Someone I loved. 

I pull my hand away from his face at that thought and look away from his eyes and to his lips. Then, putting my hand back on his cheek I close the last few inches between us and kiss him. Without hesitation, he kisses me back, and it’s unlike anything that I’ve ever felt before. I feel his arm wrap around my waist and his hand on the small of my back, pulling me in closer. It was like something inside me was waking up, stirring up all sorts of emotions I couldn’t put a name to. I savored that moment; it was as if I couldn’t get enough of him. 

Ben’s P.O.V.  
I didn’t even have time to question if what I was seeing in her eyes was real or not. Putting her hand back on my face she leaned forward and touched her lips to mine. It wasn’t shy or timid; she kissed me with full confidence and assurance that this is what she wanted. 

I drew her closer to me, cherishing every second of her love. All my anxiety and sorrow and regret were snuffed out as new sparks lit within me. I could feel my strength fading, and so I just sat there and held her and let her kiss me. 

Rey’s P.O.V.  
I didn’t want to, but I broke away from him, leaning back to see his face. Something was wrong and I could feel it. 

But Ben didn’t show any signs of trouble, only a big, toothy, squinty-eyed smile that seemed to light up his whole face. 

At first, I smiled back, but my face soon fell as I became increasingly aware that something was very wrong. My hand fell away from his face and I felt his body growing heavy. I slipped my hand inside his and he held on as if for dear life.   
And then he collapsed backward, and my heart shattered into a million pieces. Before I could do anything, his body faded away.


	2. Found

Rey’s P.O.V.  
I sat there for a moment, feeling completely lost. Tears rolled down my face as I looked at where, only moments before, Ben’s body had been. All that was left now were his clothes. I reached down and picked up his shirt, rubbing my thumb over the hole leftover from where I had stabbed him, and then clutched it to my chest. 

The tears come faster now and I buried my face in his shirt. It smelled like him. Broken sobs escaped my throat. I felt like a part of me was dead, too. Curling on my side in the fetal position, I just laid there and cried, for how long, I don’t know. I was exhausted in almost every way imaginable, and the only thing I wanted to do now was sleep. 

“Rey?” I hear from behind me, “Rey are you in here? Are you okay?” 

I lift my head up and turn around to see Finn and Poe looking around the now mostly destroyed throne room. I kick myself for being so selfish. In all my misery I had completely neglected my friends. They must have been worried sick. 

Pushing myself to my feet, I waved my hand and called out “Finn, Poe, I’m okay. I’ll be out in just a minute.

Finn starts running toward me, Poe on his heels. Not wanting them to ask questions about the clothes next to me, I meet them in the middle and we all wrap each other in a collective group hug. For a long time, we just stay like that, relieved to have all made it out alive.   
Finally, Finn pulls away and gives me a once over. “I thought for sure you were gone,” he admits, holding me at arm’s length. Then, pulling just me into a hug this time he said, “I thought I felt -” I feel him shake his head, “-nevermind,” he finishes quickly. 

I had a pretty good idea what he was going to say, but I also didn’t want to push him to tell me. Not here. Not now. Finn lets go of me and glances over at Poe. By now they’ve both noticed my very obviously tear-stained face, but mercifully they don’t say anything. 

“I… I’ll explain it all once we get back on base, after we’ve all had some sleep,” I say, answering their unspoken question. “Listen, I have something I need to do here first and then I’ll meet you guys back on Ajan Kloss.”

“No, I’m staying here with you.” Finn protests.

“Finn I… look this is something I need to do alone. I’ll be right behind you guys, I promise.”

“Rey,” Finn starts to argue but Poe puts a hand on his arm and jerks his head toward the door. “Come on,” he says. 

As they walked away Poe called back over his shoulder, “If you’re not out in ten minutes were sending in the cavalry!”

I chuckled, thankful for my friends. Taking a deep breath I walked back over to Ben’s clothes and knelt down in front of them. A few more tears escaped my eyes but I was determined not to start crying again.

“Please come back to me one day. Soon. I won’t stop looking until you do.” I say, hoping that somewhere in the galaxy he heard me. I waited for a response but none came. 

With a depressed, defeated sigh I scooped up Ben’s clothes in one hand and the Skywalker sabers in the other. Slowly, I make my way out to Luke’s X-Wing, thankful for the long trip back to Ajan Kloss and the much-needed silence to sort out my thoughts.


	3. Processing

Rey’s P.O.V.  
Luke’s old X-Wing rattled around me with the turbulence, making it nearly impossible to keep a straight course. Thankfully, The Falcon was leading the way back to base and so all I had to do was follow the soft blue light glowing from the rear engines. 

Once we were finally out of Exegols’s rocky atmosphere I set the ship's coordinates for Ajan Kloss and switched over to autopilot. Leaning my head back, I began to process everything that had happened in the past two years. I figured the best place to start was the beginning.

I thought all the way back to that day on Jakku when one seemingly insignificant droid had changed my life. 

A noise caught my attention and my heart started racing. The sun was going down, and there was no telling what could be lurking in the shadows out here. Breathing heavily I stood up and grabbed my staff, running toward the sound. That’s how it was out here. There was no other option. “Fight or die,” Unkar Plot had said to me my first night on Jakku, “best learn now that you can’t hide from the beasts on this planet.” 

I had never forgotten that, and as I ran toward the sound I realized what it was. I crested the sand dune to see Teedo trying to haul off a small BB unit. He was struggling and protesting rather loudly. 

“Tal'ama parqual!” I scream in his language, and they both go silent, turning to look at me. “Parqual zatana!”

I ignore Teedo’s protests and walk over to the droid, pulling my knife out to free him from the trap he had gotten caught in. Teedo raises his voice, yelling angrily at me. “Noma!” I yell back. After a moment he gives up and starts to go on his way, but not before one last crude remark to me. The droid pipes up with his two cents. “Shhh!” I order. 

I knew it wasn’t a good idea to let him stay with me that night. I knew I’d probably get attached to the thing and that it would probably cost me in the long run, but I had been feeling especially lonely that day and so I let him stay. Looking back, I was so glad that I had. He had led me first to Finn, then Han, Chewie… pretty much all of the friends I had now were my friends because a little orange and white droid had called for help that night in the Jakku desert. 

Although it was painful in more ways than one, I let myself think back to that day in the forest of Takodana. I had been so scared of the Force, of Kylo, and perhaps most of all, I was scared of myself. I think even back then I knew the truth, but I just couldn’t or wouldn’t admit it. 

Running through the forest that day I was not only running away from what I feared, I was also running towards something that felt familiar. It was hard to put into words, but when I finally made it to that clearing and saw Kylo, I was so confused. All at once, there was this paralyzing fear of him and this uncanny feeling that I had heard or seen or felt his presence before. 

When he took off his mask in the interrogation room and I heard his unaltered voice, I realized that I had heard it before. Not in person, but in a dream or a nightmare.

“I’ll come back for you sweetheart, I promise.”

That realization had terrified me even more. I fought against it, against him, but when I had the chance to end his life I hadn’t. Maybe it was because I simply couldn’t bring myself to take the life of someone who was now defenseless. Maybe I was just curious about who he really was. Maybe I sensed that there was a bigger purpose to our relationship than being brutal enemies. 

Now I know that we had been connected ever since we were children. That familiar presence in the forest that day was Ben’s. And he had come back for me. He had given his life for mine. 

The more I thought about the two of us the more I realized that we really did want the same thing in the end: to be together. Sure, that looked different in each of our minds, but our strongest desire was to be with each other. 

And that had been cruelly, violently ripped away from each of us by Palpatine. 

Palpatine, my grandfather. That might be the hardest thing for me to accept in all of this. Not only had he killed my mother and my father, but he had also tried to kill all of my friends, ruin my life multiple times, and now even though he was defeated it seemed as if he was still winning. In the end, he had managed to take away the only person that had ever been able to understand the things I couldn’t put into words. 

There was plenty to rejoice over, I knew that. The galaxy was finally free and the Emperor’s evil reign had, at long last, come to an end, but the cost of the victory weighed heavily on my heart. We had lost Han, Luke, Leia, Ben… all people that had come to mean so much to me. 

Sitting in the cockpit, I tried to put my thoughts in order but it was as if everything was tangled in a giant mess. Trying to organize one thought disrupted a thousand others. 

The dashboard started beeping softly, alerting me that I was one minute away from Ajan Kloss. I shook myself out of my reverie and took a deep breath. All I could do was decide what my next step would be and take it. Right now, my next step was sleep. Landing my X-Wing on one of the platforms, I gathered up my satchel, the sabers, and Ben’s clothes. 

I could hear shouts of victory and celebration all around me, but I was in no mood to party. I took the most discreet route I could back to my quarters, plastering on a smile and managing to say “thank you” when I was patted on the back or congratulated for my victory. Not like it really felt like much of one. Once I was finally in the solitude of my room, I scribbled a note on a stray piece of paper: 

Finn, Poe - Made it back safely. Resting. We’ll talk later. Thank you for everything. Give everyone my love. I just need some time.

I stepped outside my room and saw Harper, a technical analyst passing by. 

“Hey Harper!” I called. She turned around and walked over to me. 

“Rey! Oh I’m so glad I saw you! I can’t believe what you did out there! You’re so brave!” She gushed, giving me a hug. 

“Thanks Harper,” I manage with forced enthusiasm. “Hey listen, could you do me a favor?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“I need you to get this letter to Finn or Poe,” I say, handing her the piece of paper.

“Oh, well I’m sure you’ll see them at the party tonight! Do you want to wait and give it to them then?” she asks with a wide smile.

“Actually I’m not coming to that,” I say as gently as possible, knowing how disappointed she’ll be. 

“Oh why not! It’s going to be so much fun and after all of this you deserve-”

“Harper, please. Just make sure this gets to them.” I cut her off. 

Her face falls and her bubbly attitude changes to one of concern. “Rey? Are you ok?”

“I’m fine Harper, I just need some rest.” I respond, although I’m sure I don’t sound very convincing.

“Oh… well ok,” she says, putting the note in her pocket. “I’ll go find them right away.”

“Thank you,” I say and step back inside my room, closing the door. 

The sound of silence fills my ears and I begin to realize how exhausted I am. I walk over to my dresser and pick up Ben’s shirt. Dragging myself to my bed, I pull back the covers and slide underneath. Curling up in a tight ball, I hold onto his shirt as tight as I can, wishing it were him instead. I feel like crying but there are no tears left. I close my eyes and fall asleep almost immediately, imagining that Ben was here with me and that none of this had ever happened.


	4. Dreams

Rey’s P.O.V.  
I’m in Maz Kanata’s castle again. Just like before I’m making my way down the narrow stone steps to the basement. I don’t know what I’m looking for this time, but the closer I get the more I’m drawn in. Just like before I hear screams, but this time they aren’t mine. I take the last steps down and begin walking toward the end of the hallway, stopping in front of the last door on the left. 

It opens automatically. I walk inside, looking around for something that feels significant. I see the old wooden chest sitting off to the side and kneel down in front of it, opening it slowly and halfway expect to see the Skywalker saber sitting on top of everything like last time.   
Instead, I find a calligraphy set. Tentatively, I reach out for it. As soon as my fingers make contact with the slender, wooden pen I hear a woman screaming.

I spin around to face the sound and find myself in some sort of hospital room. I see a much younger Leia laying on the bed. Tears stream down her face and sweat beads at her temples. Han, also much younger than I remember, is beside her. She lets out another cry, long and eardrum-shatteringly loud. Suddenly, she stops and a new sound fills my ears: the whimper of a newborn baby. I watch as he’s placed on Leia’s chest, quieting almost immediately. 

The hospital room fades and the floor breaks away from under my feet, sending me into a free fall for a split second before I land on my hands and knees in the dirt. I lift my head up to see a small tent that’s been set up in the forest. It’s night time and the glow from the moon illuminates Ben, a toddler now, asleep on his father’s chest. With a start, he wakes up crying. There's a look of terror on his young face. “Leia!” Han calls. “Shhh, Ben, daddy’s here,” he says softly. Leia rushes in from around the corner of the tent and, curling up next to them both, she strokes Ben’s back. She and Han start singing softly to him and he settles back down. 

The sound of Snoke's voice makes me turn around yet again. “Pathetic!” he spits. “Weak and foolish young Solo, you cannot escape me!” he roars. Ben looks to be about 18 years old at this point. He’s sitting against a wall in what I assume to be his quarters at Luke’s training temple. His face is contorted as if he is experiencing physical pain at the words. 

Then the room melts into an abandoned wasteland. It starts raining. I hear the unmistakable sound of Kylo’s lightsaber igniting and turn around to see a man fall down in front of me. Kylo looks down at him for a moment and then turns his attention to me. He starts walking forward. I back away, but trip over a rock and fall down. Unable to get up quickly enough, I shut my eyes, cowering and waiting for the blow from his lightsaber. When it doesn’t come, I open my eyes to see that I’m now in Palpatine's throne room. 

“What could you give me?” I hear Kylo ask.

“Everything,” says Palpatine coolly. Lightning flashes around him. A wicked smile creeps on to his face. 

Then he starts laughing and it makes my skin crawl. He keeps going, his laugh turning into a scream before everything goes black and silent. All I can hear now is my own heavy, terrified breathing. 

“Rey!” Ben screams. “Rey!” His voice sounds like an echo. A lonely, terrified echo.

“Ben?!” I scream back, frantically clawing at the darkness that surrounds me. “Where are you?!” I thrash and fight to be free of the smothering black fog. One thought consumes me: I must find Ben. 

“I don’t know, but I’m out here somewhere. I’m trying to find you, Rey, I-” he gets cut off by something. 

“Ben!” I scream again, my voice cracking. I kick and flail around in the dark, desperately trying to get to him. 

Then I start falling. Falling and falling and falling until-

With a scream, I shoot up in bed, trying to regain control of my breathing. Ben’s shirt is clutched so tightly in my hands that my knuckles have turned white. The covers are laying in a heap on the floor and several items from my nightstand have been slung across the room. Light is streaming in from my window and I look over at my clock to see that I had apparently been asleep for nearly 13 hours. 

Swallowing, I let out my breath slowly, forcing myself to calm down. I look down at Ben’s shirt in my lap, rubbing my thumb over the textured collar. Deep breath in, deep breath out. 

I feel my heart rate returning to normal. Slowly, I get up and walk on shaky legs to my dresser. I set down Ben’s shirt and grab a new pair of clothes for myself. Going into my bathroom, I turn on the shower and strip off my filthy robes. I pull the ponytails out of my hair and step underneath the scalding stream of water. Picking up a bar of soap, I scrub and scrub and scrub, trying to erase both the dirt off my body and the haunting memories from my mind.


	5. Friends

Rey’s P.O.V.  
I don’t know how long I stayed in the shower, but it had to have been quite a while because I was finally forced out when the water started to run cold. I dried off and put on my clothes before turning my attention to the mess that was my hair. 

I grabbed my brush and yanked at the knots until they were all gone, then pulled my hair up into a ponytail. I look in the mirror to check for any fly-aways, not realizing until now how pale and drawn my face looked. Purple bags hung under my puffy, bloodshot eyes and there was a large gash above my right eyebrow that probably needed stitches. 

Sighing, I walked back into my room, yelping as my bare foot landed on something sharp. Bending down, I pick up the offending object, realizing it was one of the screws I’d had laying on my desk. I’d set out a bunch of tools and had been working on repairing a few broken places in my staff during my downtime on base before all of... this. Tossing it back onto the pile, I started cleaning up the mess I had apparently made in my sleep the night before. 

I picked up all the little trinkets that I had collected over the years and put them back on my nightstand, and grabbing a broom I swept up the broken shards of glass from where I had knocked my lamp onto the floor. I gathered up my sheets and made my bed. Once I was sure that I could walk around the room safely without hurting my foot again, I went over to my closet and pulled on a pair of shoes. 

Although I still didn’t want to socialize with anyone, I knew I needed to eat. Walking over to my dresser I shoved Ben’s clothes into one of the drawers, not wanting to take any chances of someone coming in my room and finding them. All of the quarters here on the base were subject to routine bug sweeps and cleaning checks, and though I knew that was probably the last thing on anyone’s mind right now, I wanted to be on the safe side. 

Opening my door, I take a deep breath, plaster a smile on my face, and head for the mess hall. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finn’s P.O.V.  
I was worried, really worried, about Rey. For the past five months, I’d been trying to make sense of my own new abilities and hadn’t even noticed how much of a toll the war had been taking on her. She was in great shape physically, that was for sure, but it seemed to me that she had been training a bit too much, pushing herself harder than anyone expected her to. 

She was incredibly thin. She hadn’t been eating or sleeping much. Almost every day at dawn I would see her heading out to the jungle with Leia. Leia always came back around lunchtime, but it wasn’t uncommon for Rey to stay out there all day. She’d usually stop by the mess hall and eat supper with me, Poe, and Rose before isolating herself again to, as she said, “try and decipher some more of the Jedi texts.”

I had discovered that, like her, I had the ability to sense what was going on around me through the Force, and although my powers couldn’t hold a candle to what she was capable of, I could tell that she was plagued by darkness. When she had finally told me about her grandfather, I started to understand. I began to think I might be figuring out how the Force worked.

That was short-lived, though, because boarding the Falcon two days ago after the battle on Exegol, I could have sworn that I felt her die. But she obviously wasn’t dead, and even with Palpatine gone she still seemed tormented by some dark secret. Granted, this new darkness felt different. More like hopelessness instead of fear. But it was there, and her strange behavior the last few days was beginning to worry me. 

I was sitting in the mess hall mulling over these things when I saw her walk in and grab a tray of food. Relieved, I called her over to where we were sitting, the “we” now being me, Poe, Rose, Jannah, and Zorii. Lando, Chewie, and Maz would occasionally join us, but today they were sitting in the corner catching up on nearly 30 years of missed time. 

Rey’s P.O.V.  
Smiling, I began walking over to where the group was sitting. The whole way here I had been trying to think of excuses and answers for them but I couldn’t think of any. 

Taking a seat across from Finn, I looked down at my plate of food and tried to ignore the stares. 

“So,” Finn finally asks, “are you gonna tell us what’s been going on with you or not?”

I make eye contact with him. “Not here.”

Finn’s P.O.V.  
I glanced around to confirm what had just happened. No one else had heard her. 

Well, this was new. I’d never communicated silently like this before. 

“Fine,” I say back. 

Rey nods. “I’m fine, just tired. This is all so surreal” she says to everyone.

“I know!” Jannah pipes up. “If you’d have told me two days ago that all of this was going to happen I wouldn’t have believed it.”

“Good thing it did though,” remarks Zorii. “Gave me an opportunity to get off that crapshoot of a planet.” 

“I wonder how the people on Canto Bite are doing with all this? Surely the children that were enslaved there were released,” says Rose. 

Everyone got lost in their own conversations and I made eye contact with Rey again. “Edge of the jungle. Ten minutes.”

She nods. I stand up and grab my tray, and leaning over to Poe I whisper so that only he can hear, “meet me and Rey at the edge of the jungle in ten minutes.”

He nods and pats me on the back as I walk off toward the garbage disposal. We all have a lot to talk about. 

Rey’s P.O.V.  
In spite of my current whirlwind of emotions, I take a moment to be happy for Finn. We had just used the Force to communicate, an ability he probably didn’t know he had. 

I wait a few minutes after he leaves, then quietly excuse myself and head for our rendezvous point. As I leave, I see Maz watching me from across the room. I smile at her, but she just makes a face at me as if to say “what are you up to?” 

Confused, I dump my tray in the garbage and head out the door, making a mental note to talk to her later.   
Finn, Poe, and I all arrive at the jungle’s edge around the same time. 

“What’s this all about?” Poe asks. 

“Come on,” I say, leading us to the clearing where I meditate. Once we’re all there I stay silent for a moment, making sure no one else is within earshot. 

Finally, I walk over to a stump and sit down, preparing to spill my guts to them. 

“You guys might want to sit down for this too.”


	6. Alive

Rey’s P.O.V.  
Finn and Poe had become my best friends, and I had already confided a lot in them. They knew about me being left on Jakku, about my parents and grandfather, and about my uncanny ability to sense Kylo Ren’s presence. They didn’t know, though, about our force bonds, his change of heart, or my feelings for Ben Solo. I think they just assumed I had defeated Palpatine on my own. 

I sifted through my own thoughts, trying to filter out the things I still wanted to keep private. I decided to start with Kylo and I’s first force bond and go from there. I explained to them the best I could how it worked. I told them about how I’d tried to shoot him the first time it had happened. 

“It’s hard to put into words,” I sighed, “but after I realized that fighting Kylo from across the galaxy was pointless, I started listening to him. If the force was so intent on connecting us, I wanted to find out why. The entire time I was on Ach-Too, whenever the bond would open up, we’d just talk.”

I stopped for a minute, thinking back on some of the moments we had had together. I laughed sadly, remembering. 

“One night, it was really cold. I had just been in an underwater cave that Luke and I sometimes used for training. I was sitting by the fire in one of the huts, wet and freezing, and the force bond opened up. He saw me with my arms wrapped around myself, shivering, and do you know what he did? He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around me.” I shook my head, remembering how bewildered I had been. “That’s when I knew that Ben Solo wasn’t lost inside Kylo Ren, he was desperately trying to find his way out.”

I glanced up at Finn and Poe, trying to gauge their reactions. They looked surprised, but that was all. Not angry or incredulous, as I had feared, just… shocked.

“After that, I had a new purpose when I was with him. When we fought, I wasn’t fighting against Kylo, I was fighting for Ben, to bring him back. When we were fighting on the Death Star the other day, I actually ended up stabbing him. I couldn’t believe what I’d done. As soon as I realized, I reached out and healed him. I knew Leia had died at that moment for a reason. She wanted to give Ben another chance, and so did I. I left and took Kylo’s ship to Ach-Too and burned it. I was ready to exile myself away like Luke had done. But his ghost met me there and gave me Leia’s saber, then lifted his old X-Wing out of the ocean and sent me to Exegol.” I stopped, preparing for what I would say next. 

“I was terrified to face my grandfather, to face my own darkness. When I got there, Palpatine tried to convince me that the only way to save all of you was to join him. I almost gave in, too, but Ben showed up. Ben, not Kylo,” I emphasized. “It felt different, being with him. It was as if all the darkness that had driven him to do all of those unspeakably terrible things had been purged from him.”

I looked up at my friends again. I couldn’t read their expressions this time. Poe seemed almost giddy, and Finn just looked confused. I couldn’t blame him. 

“Anyways,” I continued, “Palpatine discovered that the power of our bond could restore his life and nearly killed us both right there. He took almost every ounce of strength we had left.”

“Wait, I’m confused,” said Poe. 

“Remember when I healed that snake on Pasana? It’s like that but the opposite.” I said. He nodded and I continued. “Ben started to get up, and Palpatine threw him down some sort of shaft. The electricity that temporarily disabled your ships, that was from him.” 

I decided to skip over the part about how I got the strength to stand and defeat Palpatine, so instead, I just said, “Thankfully I was able to deflect it with the sabers and kill him - for good this time. I… I don’t remember what happened after that. I think I…” I stopped, unable to put my thoughts into words. 

“You died,” Finn said, matter-of-factly. “I felt it.”

“Hold on,” interrupts Poe, “you’re force-sensitive too?”

Finn looks at me, and I know he wishes he could have told me privately before Poe found out. 

“Yes.”

Poe stands up and begins pacing, one hand on his hip and another resting on his chin as he looks at the ground. I wait. 

“Ok, so you died. How exactly did you come back to life?” he asks, looking at me. 

“Ben,” I say simply. “He climbed out of the pit Palpatine had thrown him down into and used all the life force he had left to bring me back. He sacrificed his life for me.” 

Poe keeps pacing, Finn joins him. 

“Anything else you two would like to tell me?” Poe asks. He’s not angry, I think he just wanted to make sure he was getting the full story. 

I look at Finn and then we both shake our heads. “I think that about covers it,” I say. I didn’t see any reason to tell them that I think I would have loved Ben, that that day on Exegol when I kissed him I had imagined us having a future together. There was no point to it now. It would just be one of those silent miseries I carried with me. 

“It’s just… all that’s happened the past few days has been really hard. It’s going to take some time for me to be back to normal again. Please just... be patient with me. And give me some space. You two really are my best friends, and I… I don’t know what I would do if…” I trail off, hot tears starting to burn at my eyes again. 

Hearing my voice break, Finn and Poe both come over and wrap me in a hug. I hang on to them tighter than I ever had before, wanting their stability and strength. A few tears roll down my cheeks but I force myself to hold back the sobs until I can get back to my room. After a long time, I break away from their embrace and hold each of them at arm’s length. 

“Thank you,” I say softly. 

They both smile and nod, and somehow I think they understand. I turn around quickly and run back to my room. 

I can feel the sobs threatening to wrack my body again. Walking over to my dresser, I pull out Ben’s clothes. Hugging them to my chest, I slide down onto the floor and weep. Not just for him this time but for all of the people so dear to me that I’ll never see again. I cry for Han, Luke, Leia, my parents. 

As my tears come faster, I clutch Ben’s clothes tighter. I realize that something hard and lumpy is pressing against my chest. Odd considering his clothes don’t have buttons or anything. I set the clothes down and shake out Ben’s shirt, but there’s nothing in it. Reaching for his pants I feel around inside the pockets. My hand brushes over a wooden bead of some sort. I grab it and pull it out. 

Sucking in my breath I start to cry even harder. In my hand, I hold the necklace that the Aki-Aki had given me on Pasana. Ben had kept it in his pocket. Something told me he was going to give it back, that he just wanted a piece of me with him. I imagined Ben Solo, lost in all that darkness, holding onto that little piece of light, of hope. Putting my head in my hands I tried to breathe, tried to control myself. I had almost calmed down when my door burst open. I jumped up, simultaneously reaching for my lightsaber and nearly knocking over my dresser. 

“Where is he?” Maz says as she walks inside, not bothering to close the door back. 

Setting my lightsaber down and laying Ben’s clothes on my bed, I turn to her. 

“Who?” I ask, confused. 

“You know who. I figure you’ve hidden him away in here somewhere.” 

“What?” I say, completely dumfounded. 

Maz doesn’t answer, she just walks into my bathroom, flips on the lights, and pulls back the shower curtain. I hear her “hmph”, and then she comes back into my room, sits at my desk, and stares at me. 

“Maz, who are you talking about?” I ask again. 

Instead of responding, she points towards the black clothes laying on my bed. “I know those aren’t yours,” she says. 

I look at them, then to the open door. Crossing over to it I look around to see if anyone in the hallway noticed the commotion and then close it softly. Turning back to Maz, I say softly, “no, they’re Ben’s.”

“Why were you crying, child?” Maz asks, moving to sit on my bed and motioning for me to join her. 

“We’ve lost so many people. So many people I loved. And this is all I have to remember them by. Luke and Leia’s sabers, Han’s gold dice,” I say pointing to the objects I had laying around my room. “Ben’s clothes,” I finish, picking up his shirt. 

Maz looks at me, sadness in her eyes. “Luke, Leia, Han, your parents... they’re never really gone. They will always be with you, in here,” she says, pointing to my heart. “As for Ben, I honestly thought you were hiding him in your room until you could think of a way to tell us all.”

“Tell you all what?” I asked.

“That you love him.”

I sigh, tears rolling down my cheeks again. “I did love him. Or at least I think I would have,” I confess. 

“What do you mean ‘would have’?” asks Maz, genuinely confused.

Equally confused by her question, I say, “He’s dead, Maz. He saved me, and then he died in my arms.”

She’s silent for a moment, watching me intently. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

“Why shouldn’t I?” I say hopelessly. 

She’s silent again.

“Maz?”

“Do you remember all those years ago on Takadonna when I told you that, although I am no Jedi, I know the ways of the force?”

“Yes.”

“Well, there is a word for what you and Ben have. Two that are one. A dy-”

“A dyad,” I finish for her. 

“Yes. And bonds that rare and that strong are not easily broken. Essentially, you sustain each other’s lives.”

I blink, unsure that I’m understanding her correctly. “Maz, are you saying…?” 

She nods. “If he’s dead, so are you. And you, dear child,” she says, tenderly laying her hand on my face, “are very much alive.”


	7. Ben

Ben’s P.O.V.  
I wake up with a start. I open my eyes only to be met with more darkness. I push myself up to a seated position slowly, trying in vain to make out the shapes that hover around me. All I can see are fine white lines connecting and intersecting in elegant swirls around me, making thousands of walkways all around each other. Each pathway has a circular portal-type window at the end. Deafening silence is occasionally broken by whispers. I should feel scared, but I don’t. The voices are familiar. My mother, my father, my uncle, Rey. Other voices that I don’t recognize by sound but know by heart. Ben Kenobi, Yoda. I can’t make out exactly what they’re saying, except when I hear one of them call my name. Otherwise, they just all blend together in one beautiful symphony of sound. 

Standing up, I look around. Behind me is one of the portals. As I look into it, blurry images begin to appear. They get clearer and more defined the longer I watch. I see Rey laying on the ground in the Emporer’s throne room. I hear the voices of a thousand generations of Jedi urging her to rise. She struggles to her feet. Holding my mother’s saber, she raises it, ready to face Palpatine. 

“Let your death be the final word in the story of rebellion.”

He lifts his hands, force lightning flowing untamed from his fingers. Rey lifts the saber to deflect it. 

“You are nothing! A scavenger girl is no match for the power in me! I am all the sith!”

“And I…” she pants.

Grunting with effort, Rey reaches out behind her and the Skywalker saber comes flying into her hand. 

“I’m all the Jedi.”

She crosses the sabers in an “X” and starts moving towards Palpatine until the lightning begins to deflect on to him, disintegrating his body. 

He screams in pain and defeat until he finally seems to burst in an explosion of force lightning. Rey looks around, the hint of a smile on her face, before dropping the sabers and collapsing in a heap. 

To my surprise, I see myself climb up from the pit. I smile as I watch our stolen moment of peace and happiness before seeing my body fade away. 

I see Rey curl into a ball on the ground and weep despite the debris falling all around her. 

Out of instinct I try to climb through the portal and comfort her, but I’m met with an invisible wall, keeping me from her.

Feeling defeated and helpless now, I turn away, not wanting to see anymore. 

I couldn’t have any sort of future with Rey. I couldn’t explore a life redeemed from all of the evil I had allowed myself to commit as Kylo Ren. I couldn’t ever make amends for the terrible things I’d done. 

I felt trapped inside this place, this world between worlds.

Jumping to my feet I began to run, terrified. I searched frantically for light, for relief from the endless pathways of darkness that now seemed to crush me. 

“Rey!” I screamed, praying our connection was somehow still intact and she would hear me. “Rey!”

Relief washes over me as I hear her calling back. “Ben?! Where are you?” A dim, golden glow begins to illuminate one of the portals on one of the pathways below me. 

“I don’t know, but I’m out here somewhere.” I scramble through an endless maze, never taking my eyes off of the portal. “I’m trying to find you, Rey, I-”

My next step meets nothing and I topple over into a free fall. I sprawl out, trying in vain to grab onto one of the other paths. After what seems like an eternity I land, hundreds of feet below my original position. Surging pain shoots through my chest as I struggle to draw in breath. The darkness covers me again like a thick, black fog. 

I don’t know how long I stayed there. It could have been hours or even days. I tried to reach out for Rey, but no answer came. Confused, tired, and depressed I rolled onto my back and stared at the unending maze of pathways and portals above me. They shifted and turned, and occasionally a portal would move above me into my line of sight, showing me scenes from my past. 

One showed me as a toddler falling asleep snuggled between mom and dad, and another one of the countless days I had spent working on the Falcon with dad and “Uncle Chewie”. 

I thought about how I used to run up to Chewie and let him toss me in the air. I hadn’t let myself dwell on these memories in so long. It had all been too painful, too hard. 

The next portal showed me my tenth birthday, when dad had finally let me sit in the co-pilot's seat on the Falcon and help him fly. His voice echoed through the vast expanse all around me, “You’re a natural kid! Keep this up and you’ll put me out of a job!” he had joked. The portal shifted and the image faded away.

I smiled. That was the day I had decided that I wanted to be a pilot like him. Unfortunately for me (and the rest of the galaxy, I supposed), Mom had decided I needed to be trained in the ways of the Force and had sent me away to Uncle Luke. It was fun at first. I had tried to stay positive. “I’ll just be a pilot and a Jedi,” I had thought to myself. Before long, though, it had become clear to me that some dreams never come true and some wishes simply cannot be granted. Like my mother’s wish to keep me safe from darkness or my uncle’s wish to be the perfect teacher. 

The next portal surfaced and showed me that night at Luke’s Jedi Academy. I couldn’t sleep. The dark visions and nightmares had become too haunting to bear. I had gotten out of bed and sat down on the mat beside my wall to meditate. That’s what Luke always told me to do. “Reach out. Feel the force flow through you. Let it guide you. Let it light your way.” But that night, darkness is all that came. For the first time I could audibly hear the taunts that it threw at me. A deep, gravelly voice (who I now know was Palpatine’s in the form of Snoke) spat the words like poison: “Pathetic! Weak and foolish young Solo, you cannot escape! Give. Me. Everything.” Mercifully the portal shifted away before anymore of that horrid night could be shown to me in perfect, agonzing detail.

I remember that, not for the first time, I had felt like something was physically breaking inside of me, being twisted and torn until it couldn’t resist the force of the darkness anymore. Getting up, I remembered how I had run that training course for hours and hours, trying to bring myself to the point of such exhaustion that I could escape the torment, if only for a few hours, in the blissful ignorance of dreamless sleep. I had finally managed to drift off when I heard the distinctive sound of a lightsaber igniting. Turning over I had seen the face of Uncle Luke, weapon raised to strike. 

The sight had disturbed me, but even more horrifying was the fact that I almost let him do. I didn’t want to keep living with the nightmares, the visions, the conflict. That’s when I had made my decision. I would surrender. Not to Luke but to the darkside. If it was the only way to be free, then the freedom was worth it. 

After I had destroyed Luke’s temple and fled, after I had Mastered the Knights of Ren, after I had become Snoke’s apprentice, after all that I realized that the only thing I had done was made the suffering even greater, the conflict even stronger, and my life even harder. 

Nothing had made sense anymore, so I just let all my rage and anger and hurt pour out into any and every vessel I could find. Kylo Ren took over and Ben Solo stayed in the background watching Kylo murder or sanction the murder of thousands, destroy entire planets, and tear families apart. All the while, Ben Solo screamed to be free in the background, unheard and forgotten. 

That is, until I met Rey. She helped me see how many people were fighting for me. My mother, my father… even Uncle Luke in some weird, roundabout way. And her. She was the one forced to be on the forefront of the battlefield, forced to endure the beast Kylo Ren. Of course, on the flip side, that also meant that she got to get to know Ben Solo, even if only for a few minutes. 

I had to get back to her. Closing my eyes, I tried reaching for her again. 

“Rey.”

“Ben!”

I gasped. I had almost given up hope that she would ever answer. 

“Ben, we know where you are. I think we can get you out.”

The soft glow began to illuminate another portal a few yards away. I started moving towards it as I talked. 

“We?”

“Maz knows. She says that you're in the World Between Worlds.”

I chuckled lightly in spite of myself. This place was certainly aptly-named. 

“How did Maz find out?”

“She just knew.”

I’m so close to the portal. Just a few more steps.

“Can you see me?”

“No, why?”

“I can see you.”

Rey’s P.O.V.  
I had gone to the forest to meditate, completely astounded by what Maz had told me. Thoughts came spilling into my mind and I was trying desperately to quiet them. Ben was alive, but how would he know how to get back to me? Could I find him? What were the rules about this place he was stuck in? Was he able to just go wherever he wanted?

Maz had shown me a few crude drawings of what the World Between Worlds was thought to look like, but other than that there was hardly any information to be found on the subject. I had even gone so far as to ask Artoo. He knew pretty much everything there was to know about anything, but on this particular issue he was no help. 

I was desperate to get to Ben, desperate to have him with me again, but I didn’t know what to do or how to do it. 

Sitting down on the lush grass I began to breathe deeply and focus all my energy into channeling the force, letting it flow through my veins and quiet my mind. The sounds of the insects and amphibians hummed around me, the wind blew through the trees and my hair waved in the breeze. 

Once the raging storm within me had ceased, I opened up my mind, listening for the voices of the Jedi that had gone before me. To my surprise, however, a new voice entered my mind. 

“Rey.” It was Ben! I didn’t dare to move or even open my eyes, fearful that our seemingly fragile connection would break.

“Ben!” He doesn’t respond, so I continue. “Ben, we know where you are. I think we can get you out.”

“We?” I cringe at his question. Hoping he wouldn’t be upset I explain, “Maz knows. She says that you're in the World Between Worlds.”

“How did Maz find out?” Thankfully, his tone reveals curiosity rather than resentment. 

“She just knew.”

“Can you see me?”

“No, why?”

“I can see you.” 

Slowly, ever careful of the connection, I open my eyes, not understanding how he could see me while at the same time wondering if I could see him. I look around, but no one is there. 

Ben’s P.O.V.  
I had finally made it to the portal, and it had swirled into an image of Rey meditating in the forests of Ajan Kloss. She hovers above the ground, facing me, legs crossed and hands on her knees. She opens her eyes but keeps her focus.

“Can you hear me?” I ask, speaking audibly. 

She furrows her brow with confusion.

“Yes,” she replies, a hint of confusion in her voice.

“Follow the sound of my voice.” I want her light, her stability as close to me as possible, even if all I can do is watch from the other side of the portal. 

Gracefully, she lowers herself to the ground and takes tentative steps forward until she is within inches of me. There’s a large bush between us that hides the majority of her body, but her face is clearly visible. 

Instinctively, I raise my hand, reaching for her, and, to my amazement, this portal doesn’t resist. Surprised, I keep going, not once taking my eyes off of Rey, not wanting to break whatever delicate connection is allowing me to do so. I step over the threshold of the portal easily and find myself standing on warm, soft grass. 

Rey’s P.O.V.  
I can actually hear his voice now, as if he’s right in front of me instead of in my head. I respond to his question out loud, wondering if he can hear me too. 

“Follow the sound of my voice,” he responds.

As tenderly as I can, I lower myself to the ground and walk towards a large bush that nearly blocks my view of Ben’s hand as it appears as if out of thin air.

I lift my eyebrows in surprise and open my mouth, but no words come.

I watch as Ben’s head appears, then hear the sound of him stepping onto the grass. A strong, quick burst of wind blows from behind him before the jungle grows still around us.

So many feelings swell within me. Disbelief, hope, excitement, fear, love, joy… I blink as tears roll down my cheeks and try to swallow all the emotions.

Finally, I manage to whisper.

“Are you real?” I ask, reaching out to touch his face.

He covers my hand with his, looking deeply into my eyes. 

“Yes,” he responds, voice thick with emotion as he sheds a few tears of his own. 

If our relationship had been different, I would have doubted it, but I knew in that moment that our bond was so fierce and so strong that this couldn’t be a dream or a vision. This was real. Ben was here. It felt like home. 

Ben moves from behind the bush, and only then do I remember that the last time I saw him his body faded away, leaving his clothes behind. I gasp, putting my hand over my mouth. 

“What?!” Ben asks, genuinely concerned. 

“Don’t move!” I command.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Your clothes!” I explain.

“What about them?” 

“There in my room!” I say frantically, turning to leave. 

“Rey, I have my clothes on,” he laughs. Catching my arm, he turns me back around.

I look over his black-clad figure, and my eyes land on the spot where the hole in his shirt had once been, now mended with a small patch of brilliant white cloth.

Curious, I reach out and touch the fabric. It’s the exact same material that I make my clothes out of. 

“How did…?”

Ben looks down, seeing the patchwork for the first time as well.

“Hmph,” he frowns, equally confused. 

I stare at it, wracking my brain for some sort of explanation. As if sensing my thoughts, Ben takes my hand. 

“I guess it was my little piece of light to guide me home.”

I draw my attention away from his shirt and look up into his deep, brown eyes. Smiling, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. 

“Home,” I breathe. Yes, with him, I was home.


	8. Safe

Ben’s P.O.V.  
We stood there in the still of the forest for a long time, my arms around her protectively, our minds at peace now that we had- truly had- each other. The war was over, the darkness was receding, and we no longer had to fight our way around our feelings. I could have stayed like that forever, but I knew better. 

“So what’s the plan from here?” I ask Rey, reluctant to fracture the silence. 

After a pause, she sighs wearily and says, “I’ve no idea.”

Putting a bit of space between us I step back slightly, taking her hands in mine. She looks into my eyes and gives me a weary smile. 

“As far as anyone knows, you’re dead. It should probably stay that way for now. Maz assured me that she wouldn’t tell anyone, and I believe that we can count on her as an ally in this. The rest of the resistance is another story. A lot of them knew Han and Leia at least, so that will probably help.”

My heart breaks a little at the mention of their names. So many people died or nearly died because of me. I let go of Rey’s hands and walk over to sit on a downed tree trunk. Looking at the ground I run my hands through my hair, flinching as I graze a bruise and then pull at a scab leftover from the battle on Exegol. Rey comes to sit beside me, looking out into the forest. I can practically see the wheels turning in her head.

“When I thought you were dead, I had to force myself not to look at the big picture. All we can do for right now is figure out which next step is best and then take it. You should be safe out here. As far as I know, I’m the only one that ever comes out this way anymore. I’ll go back to base and talk to Maz. She’s been in all the meetings so far about rebuilding the galaxy, so she’ll be in the loop about how the Resistance intends to…umm...” 

“Deal with war criminals?” I finish for her. She looks at me apologetically. 

“Yes,” she whispers, not meeting my eyes. 

Interlacing my fingers with hers, I squeeze her hand. “It’s okay, Rey. I… I have a lot to be sorry for, a lot to pay for. I helped Snoke - well, the Emperor,” I corrected, “build an army. I slaughtered entire villages, destroyed entire planets, killed thousands. I killed my own father in cold blood.” I stopped as the regret and guilt seemed to smother me. I deserved death. No, not death. That was too merciful. I deserved to have everything I loved taken from me. I deserved to be thrown into some dungeon somewhere until I rotted away. I deserved to-

“Stop.” Rey says, standing abruptly. “Kylo Ren has atoned for his actions. He died back on Endor. Ben Solo is here now, and he’s spent that last 15 years paying for what Kylo did. You told me once to let the past die, and that’s exactly what we're going to do. I refuse to believe that we got each other back only to have you… to have…” She paused, taking a deep breath, obviously trying to get her emotions under control. Standing slowly I walk over to her. Putting one hand on her shoulder, I tip her chin so she looks at me.

“Rey, what if the rest of the Resistance finds out you’re protecting a war criminal?” I ask gently. “You could get in serious trouble because of me. Please don’t risk everything you’ve done here, everything you’ve made for yourself because of me.” I’m holding her by both shoulders now, trying desperately to make her understand. 

“Ben, this is my choice,” she responds without hesitation. “I am not losing you. It nearly killed me the first time, and I’m not going to let it happen again.”

Maybe it was the ferocity in her eyes or the tone of her voice or the sheer determination I could sense pulsing through our bond, but I knew she was right. We depended on each other. I nod in agreement and let my hands drop to my side.

“Look, we both know that we have a lot to talk about.” She pauses, looking down at the ground, her fingers absent-mindedly picking at loose threads on her shirt. 

“Yeah,” I agree. 

“I’ll go back to base and talk to Maz. I should be back here within the hour. Just… lay low until then.” She steps closer to me. “Ben,” she says, meeting my eyes, “we’ll figure this out.” 

I look at her for a long time, drinking in her beauty. She made me feel different than anyone ever had. Moving my hand along her cheek and up into her hairline, I lower my head to hers and kiss her. She melts into it, bringing one hand up to mine as she cups the side of my face with the other. 

“I believe you,” I whisper against her lips. “I’ll be here waiting.” Pulling away I hold her gaze for a moment before she turns to leave, cheeks red, a smirk tugging at the edges of her mouth. 

“Not sure where else you could go,” she calls back, her voice light with laughter. 

Me either, I think to myself. Wherever Rey was, that was home.


	9. Leaving

Rey’s P.O.V.  
Maz is waiting in my room when I get back. 

“You have to leave,” she says. “Now.”

I look around. Four bags sit packed on my bed. The Skywalker sabers lay on top of them, along with Han’s dice. 

“All your friends are in the main hangar, waiting for you. I took the liberty of having the Falcon prepared for flight and packing your things. There’s two changes of clothes for each of you, enough food and water to last for a week or so, medical supplies, and a bit of money. As far as anyone besides the three of us know, you’re headed out on a personal endeavor. They don’t know where and they don’t know why.”

I looked at her, completely astounded. “How did you…?”

“Ben’s clothes,” she said, as if in response.

“What about them?”

“I took his shirt. Thought I’d have it mended for you, in secret of course. I gave it to Sherisha along with a patch of cloth I had found lying on your desk. She made quick work of the thing. I was on my way back to your room with it when it disappeared. That’s how I knew he had made it back to you.” Maz gave me a sad smile and walked over to me, taking my hand. I knelt down on one knee so I could be at eye level with her. 

“The meeting this morning,” she continued. “The majority of the Resistance wants all criminals of war captured and executed. They can’t see past their own fear. Poe, and especially Finn and Janaah, they’re fighting against a ruling of that nature. Right now, though, it doesn’t look good. You and Ben need to get away from here, at least for a little while. It’s better that we're the only ones that know about this for now.” 

I shook my head in shock. I was insanely grateful for all that Maz had done over the past 24 hours. “Where will we go?” I asked.

“Wherever your hearts takes you… just make sure they don’t take you anywhere you’ll stick out.”

I laughed at that last part. “Thank you, Maz. For everything.”

Smiling, she took my hand. “Be safe, child. But be happy, too.”

I smiled, nodding. Standing up I crossed behind her and took the bags, clipping the lightsabers to my belt and putting Han’s dice in my satchel. I walked over and opened the door to leave. 

“May the force be with you,” Maz said.

Looking over my shoulder at her I replied, “And with you,” before shutting the door behind me and walking quietly down the hallway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was so hard to say goodbye. I had grown so close with everyone here. They were like family, they were family. Hugging Zorii I whispered, “Keep Poe in line, okay?” 

She nodded and laughed, glancing over at Poe where he stood talking to Chewie. 

I went to Rose next. “And you too,” I said. “Make sure Finn stays out of trouble.” She gave me a bleak smile and pulled me into a hug. “Please be safe,” she said through tears. “I will,” I assured her. 

Walking over to Poe, I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me to it. “You better take care of my droid,” he warned with mock contempt. “Thank you again for letting me take him.” Poe just shrugged, pulling me in for a hug. “We’ll miss you.” “I’ll miss you too.” 

Chewie let out a playful roar, pulling me away from Poe and into one of his big hugs. “Yes Chewie,” I laughed. “I will.” 

I moved to tell Janaah bye, reminding her to help Rose keep an eye of Finn. I would be interested to see how things played out while I was gone - both girls seemed to hold a piece of his heart. 

I knew that I held a piece too. I hugged him tighter than I ever had before. He had been my first real friend, and I knew I was going to miss him most of all. 

Pulling back he held me at arms length and looked at me, his expression one of concern and sadness. “How long until we see each other again?”

“I don’t know, Finn,” I responded, and it was the truth. I honestly had no clue how long it would be until Ben could show his face in the Resistance, if he ever could at all. “Hopefully soon.” 

“Take care of yourself,” he pleaded.

“I will.” As I walked up the ramp of the Falcon, I dropped my bags just inside the door and turned back around. 

“Finn?” I asked. 

“Yes?”

“Please keep fighting,” I begged, “for the ones that don’t have a voice.”

He nodded somberly, catching exactly what I meant. 

“I will,” he assured me. 

Stepping back inside the Falcon, I closed the door, walked to the cockpit, and flew out of the hangar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Letting the ship hover in mid-air I opened up the lower access tunnel and threw down the ladder. 

“Hop on!” I screamed down to Ben over the roar of the engines. 

Upon hearing my voice he crept out of his hiding place in the forest and began to climb the ladder. Once he was safely inside I retracted it and closed the door. 

“I take it things didn’t go well back at base?”

I shook my head. “C’mon,” I said, heading back to the cockpit and sitting down in the co-pilot’s seat. Ben gave me a confused look.

“It’s technically your ship,” I shrugged.

Slowly, Ben sat down in the pilots seat, looking at all the controls and running his hands over the panels. He took in shaky breath and I realized he was on the verge of tears. 

I reached over to rub his shoulder. I couldn’t even imagine the level of emotion he must be feeling. He took one deep, cleansing breath and cleared his throat. 

“Where are we going?” he asked. 

“Wherever our hearts take us,” I answered. 

He looked over at me and tilted his head to one side with a smile. 

“And where might that be?”

I thought for a moment. “I hear Naboo is nice this time of year. Very… romantic,” I winked. 

Ben laughed, a deep, rolling, genuinely joyful laugh. I joined in, happy that he was happy, that we were happy. 

Punching in the coordinates for Naboo he gently guided the ship out of Ajan Kloss’s atmosphere and into hyperspace. I relaxed in the seat, looking over at him as he focussed on the navigation and smiled to myself. 

I didn’t know how long this adventure would last or where all it would take us, but I was just grateful that this adventure was one I could take with him. 

Reaching into my satchel I grabbed Han’s dice and hung them on the hook between the two seats. Ben looked up at them, then over to me, a broad smile on his face. 

“For luck,” I said. 

“For luck,” he repeated. “May the force be with us.”


	10. Chapter 10: Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little fluff chapter. :)

Ben’s P.O.V.  
I should have been exhausted, I knew that. But I had taken a nap in the jungle while I was waiting for Rey and my time in the World Between Worlds seemed to have healed many of my ailments. By back, although still sore, no longer throbbed as it had on Exegol. I could walk easily on both legs now, and my ribs seemed to be repairing themselves nicely. I still had a few cuts on my face and my right eye was a bit swollen, but other than that, I seemed to be faring better than Rey. 

We had ridden in comfortable silence for the first part of our journey to Naboo. She had been up and down, checking on different things that still needed to be repaired on the Falcon, and I had been focussed on navigating asteroid fields. When she didn’t come back to the cockpit after a while, I asked BB-8 to take over autopilot while I went to check on her. 

The droid still wasn’t sure what to think of me and warbled as much to me. “Please?” I asked with a chuckle. Turning his head, BB-8 rolled over to the control panel, fussing the whole way. 

I combed the whole ship, but she was nowhere in sight. Finally, I checked the sleeping quarters on the far side and found her passed out on one of the bunks, curled tightly into a ball. Walking over to her I sat down on the edge of the bed and gently put her head onto my lap, pushing the stray hair away from her face. She looked so peaceful. 

I sat there for a long time, watching her as she slept. I couldn’t help but wonder what our future together looked like. I loved her, I had no doubts about that. And I knew she loved me. She had told me everytime she called me Ben, everytime she had pleaded with me to return to the light with her, and now everytime she had looked at me with those soft hazel eyes since Exegol. 

From the beginning there hadn’t been much doubt in either of our minds that we would end up together, we just weren’t sure which side of the war we’d end up on. Looking at her now I was beyond grateful that she had stood her ground and I had yielded to the light so desperately trying to get in. There were so many things we needed to talk about. Hopefully we’d have time once we were safe on Naboo. Hopefully we would be safe on Naboo. 

My thoughts are interrupted by the nav computer beeping, so I softly lay her head back down on the bed and cover her up with the blanket. Slipping back into the pilot’s seat I landed the Falcon in a meadow on the outskirts of Naboo, hoping the cover of night would be enough to protect us until we could find a safe place to stay long term. 

Turning the ship off and checking to make sure the door was secure, I went into the on-board bathroom for a much-needed shower. I hadn’t realized just how filthy I was until I saw the water running off of me was almost entirely the color of dried blood and grime. After what seemed like an eternity of scrubbing and rinsing and scrubbing and rinsing some more, I pulled on a fresh pair of clothes. Gathering my tattered shirt and pants in my arms, I stuffed them in an empty bag, making a mental note to wash them later. 

I turned out the remaining lights, leaving the Falcon bathed in the warm blue glow of the self-energized lamps that lined to hallways. Shuffling into the sleeping quarters, I lay down on the cot beside Rey’s. Everything in me wanted to curl up next to her in her bed, but I wasn’t sure exactly where we stood yet. Would she be comfortable with that kind of physical contact and closeness? Granted, we had shared a few kisses by now, but that was much different than sharing a bed. 

With a sigh, I pulled my shirt off over my head and settled underneath the covers. I was asleep almost as soon as I shut my eyes.

Rey’s P.O.V.  
The creak of old bed springs wakes me. I roll over in my cot to see Ben asleep on the one next to me. He’s restless, tossing and turning. I watch him for a moment. I would have much rather been nestled in his arms than curled up alone on my hard, cold cot, but Ben Solo, ever the gentleman, was much too shy to have initiated that much physical contact, at least at this point in our relationship. His scream draws me away from my thoughts. I jump. Slowly, I walk over to him. 

“Ben?” I whisper. He’s breathing hard and his face is twisted, painted with an expression of complete and utter terror. “No!” he wails. “Stop, please!” his screams are louder this time. 

“Ben!” I say with more force, shaking his shoulder. When he doesn’t stop hyperventilating, I shake harder. “Ben! Wake up! You’re having a nightmare, wake-”

His hand comes up and covers mine. I’m silent for a moment, watching as his face settles back to normal. I can feel his shoulders relax under my hand. His breathing begins to even out. 

I sigh with relief, contemplating whether I should return to my bed or stay with Ben in his. I don’t want to push him on the off chance that he felt uncomfortable about sharing a bed rather than choosing not to out of concern for my boundaries. What if I’m misreading him entirely? I’ve never had a romantic relationship, and if I was being quite honest with myself, I didn’t really know where to start. But then I remembered all of those nights when I had horrible nightmares, dreams filled with unspeakable terror and fear, and how on those nights I knew that if I had only had someone there to hold me, someone to assure me that they were real and the dreams were not, that I would have been okay. 

Biting my lip, I gently pull the blanket up enough for me to slip underneath. There wasn’t much room for me in the cot, given that it was so small and Ben was so large. I began to wriggle my way on to the very edge when Ben, as if sensing my intentions, rolled over on his side to face me, wrapping one of his strong arms tightly around my waste. Snuggling into his embrace, I couldn’t help but think about how perfectly we seemed to fit together and how safe, loved, and warm I felt next to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey! I hope you enjoyed reading! This fanfic is still being written, but I will update with more chapters soon!


End file.
